


Among Douchebags and Knights

by TimeKeepsSticking



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeKeepsSticking/pseuds/TimeKeepsSticking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sugoikokoro asked you:<br/>Okay, so how about Jade has a boyfriend?? and he seemed nice at first but dave thought something was up with him and stuff. and the boyfriend ended up being abusive and giving jade a black eye and dave being protective and stuff</p>
            </blockquote>





	Among Douchebags and Knights

**Author's Note:**

> Old old old  
> (Not really)
> 
> http://volatileboy.tumblr.com/post/37036869267/in-which-karkat-is-a-douchebag-and-jade-is-a-cutie

TG: i dunno harley

TG: this guy is setting off all my douchebag alarms

GG: come on dave!! karkats really cool!

TG: nah girl

TG: i really don’t think so

GG: i think youre just jealous!

TG: me

TG: jealous

TG: jade what are you smoking

GG: a little thing called karkats cool!!

TG: sighssssss

GG: oh come on cool kid, dont be like that

TG: SIGHSSSSS

GG: dave!

TG: SIGHS OF EPIC PROPORTION

GG: striderrrrr!

TG: just kidding harley

TG: have fun with vantass okay

GG: youre acting like a little kid!

TG: no way

GG: way!!!

GG: :o

GG: is this the end of cool kid strider?????

TG: youre tripping on some hardcore tentaclebuddies or something jade

GG: j

GG: e

GG: a

GG: l

GG: o

GG: u

GG: s

TG: n

TG: o

GG: totally!!

TG: harley im too cool to be jealous

TG: seriously

TG: think it through

GG: oh sush you! i gotta go anyway! time for the date~

—gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:45—

Your name is Dave Strider and you’re pretty sure something’s off about Jade’s new boyfriend. Not that you’re jealous or anything. No fucking way, bro. Absolutely no-OK. You’re about as jealous as some fat kid yearning for ice cream on the hottest day of the summer staring at some other chump eating a fucking fudge sundae. 

You’re jealous and self-conscious about this.

Not to mention something’s off about this asshole anyway. His exgirlfiend-Terezi or something-refuses to admit he exists, and if that doesn’t blow up any bells you don’t know what will. And another dude-Sollux or something—what the fuck kinda name is that?—-says that he’s completely bonkers.

And it’s not like you can just get Jade to see your fucking point of view or anything. Not without telling her, of course. And you’re too fucking stupid to just tell the fucking girl you may or may not want to push her up against a wall and fuck her or anything. Of course not. You’re Dave Strider, when can you ever do anything right?

Maybe you’re overreacting about this. Maybe Karkat Vantasshole is a nice kid who just sucks at redrom (or whatever people are calling it these days). And maybe he was just dropped on his head too many times as some wriggling baby fucker. And maybe pigs can shit out airplanes and jetpacks are powered by toasters.

Wow, Dave. You need a girlfriend.

TOO BAD SHE’S WITH A DICK.

“Yo, kid, you’re talking to yourself,” Bro says in his usual monotone. You jump, shattering out of your fucking pitiful thoughts. You’re so glad you weren’t holding anything and that his back was turned. That could have been disastrous. And by that you mean WWIII shit could have started. You sit on the counter, sipping your apple juice while he scours the kitchen for something. “So who’s this ‘Karkat’ brat?”

“Just someone,” you answer with a little hitch in your voice.

“Bullshit.” He tosses you a bored look over his shoulders. “Open up jackass.”

“Make me.” He rolls his eyes behind his shades-you remember that’s the way his mouth twitches when he does it-and absconds with a plat of cake. Asshole. 

You stay locked up in your room the entire day, looking over the Midnight Crew site and drawing some SBAHJ. Anything to get your mind off of Jade and her little bitch of a boyfriend. 

And then the next day you find Jade curled up on your couch with a bandaged hand and Bro’s blanket wrapped around her. Bro’s not even in the apartment to question so you just stare at the girl in confusion.

When she does come to, though, she hugs you quickly. 

“You were right!” she groans out. “He was a douchebag!” She cries, just a bit, while you hold her. Eventually you manage to coax the entire story out of her. She was having a nice date with Karkat, but she was getting more and more irritated because he was being so negative. ‘He’d been so nice online, though, Dave!’ Eventually she said she wanted to go home, but he wouldn’t let her. He hit her then, broke her glasses and everything. ‘I’m just glad I had a spare!’ 

She, of course, had wrecked his face. Ain’t no one messes with Harley. Ain’t no one. She had broken her hand in the fight and she was going to go to the doctor later. 

“But are you okay?” you ask, kissing her black eye. (Screw romance, that shit needs some TLC.) 

“Yeah,” she sighs out. “I’m just glad that you’re here.” 

“Well, I’ll always be here, Harl. You know that. Us cool kids gotta stick together. And if I ever see that douchebag again he’s gonna be nutless. Just sayin’.”

She giggles and kisses your cheek, holding you again. 

“Hey, Dave?” she asks after a while.

“Yeah Jade?” you reply.

“Let’s agree to never date douchebags ever again.”

“Agreed. Hey, I’m not a douchebag, am I?”

“Of course not!”

“Then date me.”

“Maybe later, coolkid. But you have to give me a little space.”

“Oh, I have all the time in the world.”


End file.
